I lost my job one year ago. Before that, I worked temporary jobs between the economic bust and starting my last job. Temp workers are treated with a great deal of disrespect. It doesn’t matter your education level, what you did before, or what they know you are most likely capable of doing, you are a temp and will be treated as a non-entity. Then, I finally won the lottery and got a permanent job. Then, I lost that job after almost a year. They moved it to another state. Tried to prevent me from getting unemployment by firing me first and saying I couldn’t do the job. State agency investigated, determined they were full of it, and gave me some months of unemployment which ran out quite some time ago.
I have been helped by family and the church and this month there is no one and no money for rent, utilities, and food. I just got out to a stint at the hospital for breathing problems, was told I could have died if I hadn’t gotten there when I did. If I had died, I wouldn’t have to worry about homelessness and hunger.
I think about all of the jobs I have applied to and/or interviewed for. I was qualified for each and everyone and over qualified for most of them. I am over 50 with a doctorate degree. I have been told by a Priest that my worry is killing me and I have to cut it out. I was getting better. Then, I realized I will be out of food by Monday. Guess what? I am feeling pretty weak again.
Don’t folks that refuse to give older Americans a chance to get back to the world of productivity realize that their refusal to give us a chance just might cost us our lives? It could be a matter of days now and, while I love the idea of showing myself I can overcome this, that God will be there with money, a job, or something to sustain me (hey who doesn’t love a miracle?), I don’t know if I want that kind of hope any more. Hope makes you hold on. Hope makes you feel you are valuable. Hope makes you believe in the world and yourself. I am afraid to try to hope any more. So, now I feel quite willing to let my mind kill me. Anyone out there listening?