I encourage all of you to share your unemployment story with me and my readers. Please visit the following link to share your story.
Today I am feeling like I do most days, worthless.
Today I come to a semi-conclusion that a feeling of worthlessness comes in waves but stays when confirmed by the words and actions of others.
The woman I love, who has been through hell, has nothing left to offer me when it comes to my personal thoughts or feelings.
This, although understood, is painful. Am I worthless? No one seems to call or care.
People don’t reply to my texts or return my calls.
It is like a self fulfilling prophecy. I feel like I don’t have much to offer and that’s the way people treat me. They don’t want to listen to me or hear the truths. Do they even care? It is a tough spot to be in. Trying to come up with some sort of confidence in one’s self when broke, out of work, desperate. The kids have to feel it. Hell, I can feel it. My wife comes home and it’s an immediate assumption, “What did you do today?” As if she already knew the answer – not enough. As if I’m this piece of crap that is just something she has to put up with because she had kids with me.
It sinks in to the soul. It doesn’t seem to go away. I try to wish it away. I wake up, act positive, try to be productive but all the while I am sidetracked by little things. That’s when my ADD kicks in and then I do half of things, like laundry, dishes, sweeping, busy work just to slip away from the reality that I don’t have a job, I don’t have the money, I don’t have the education, I don’t have the experience, I don’t etc etc…
Where was I going with this sad spewing of crapulence? Oh yeah, so it then happens all over again. Wife comes home, asks the assuming questions, the feeling is awakened again and I’m in shitsville.
So this is by no way a blaming or a pointing fingers at but a semi-conclusion to this point, that when others around me that I care deeply about, think or act as if I’m worthless
…they may be right because that’s how I feel and now it will repeat again.
The things that have happened lately are my wife says and acts as if I have no value. My brother feels the same way about me i.e. “no, I’m not gonna loan you $100” (unfair of me because he didn’t have the money?). My friends, i.e. K, B and most others don’t reply to texts or calls. And so on it goes again. How do I overcome this? I keep trying to daily but it starts up again. I can’t even get my doctor to call me back so I can get evaluated for the ADD which is a big issue right now.
So this is what it feels like when you lose your house, you job, your livelihood, your dignity, your self assuredness, your life. The sad part is that I have a wife and four kids that deserve more. So I will continue on with the hopes that someone will give this nice, uneducated, worthless soul a chance.
I hope you’re listening God or are you like everyone else I know?